No One Has It All Figured Out—And That’s Okay
I hope you give yourself permission to be a work in progress
For those who know me well, it’s no surprise to hear me say, “It will be okay.” It’s become a mantra of sorts, but it didn’t happen overnight. It’s taken me years—decades, really—to accept that not only do I not have control over everything, but that there’s a staggering amount I simply don’t know. And honestly, that’s just scratching the surface. There’s an even larger universe of things that are simply unknowable.
The truth is, no one has it all figured out.
But how do you handle that revelation? How do you navigate life knowing there’s so much uncertainty?
Accepting the Reality of Being a Work in Progress
The first step is to embrace the fact that we’re all a work in progress. If there’s one thing I’ve confidently figured out, it’s this: when someone speaks with absolute certainty about something impossible to know, it only reinforces that no one truly has it all figured out.
And let’s be honest, social media doesn’t help. Every day, people confidently proclaim absolute truths about politics, news, or life’s complexities. But the world isn’t black and white; it’s a swirling palette of gray, filled with nuance and context.
I’ve written before about understanding bias. Recognizing our own biases is critical because they shape how we perceive the world and convince ourselves that we’ve figured it all out. Spoiler alert: we haven’t.
The Power of Curiosity Over Certainty
It’s essential to embrace the reality of not knowing. This is the moment when you unlock the power to explore. Instead of clinging to a rigid belief or trying to memorize every detail, focus on developing the ability to reason, question, and learn.
Not every question needs an answer. One of the best lessons I’ve learned is to pick your battles. Sometimes, saying “I don’t know” is perfectly okay. It can be freeing and allows you to redirect your energy toward what truly matters. Sure, I enjoy going down rabbit holes of learning or even exploring the occasional conspiracy theory. But those adventures have taught me to resurface with a healthy level of skepticism and recognize that some mysteries will always remain unsolved.
This mindset naturally leads you to a pivotal moment—the fork in the road of "I Don’t Know."
Once you accept that it’s impossible to know everything, you come to an important fork in the road. You can take one of two paths:
The “I Don’t Know, and That’s Okay” Path: This is where you acknowledge uncertainty and let go of the need for answers. It’s a freeing path, one that allows you to focus your energy on things that truly matter instead of chasing every mystery.
The “I Don’t Know, but I Can Figure It Out” Path: This is the path of curiosity and learning. It’s for those moments when the unknown sparks a desire to dig deeper, explore, and grow. With a smartphone, search engines, and AI tools, it’s easier than ever to ask questions and start figuring things out.
Both paths have their merits, and the beauty lies in being able to choose the right one for the right moment. Wisdom isn’t about always having answers; it’s about knowing when to seek them and when to let them go.
To illustrate this, consider these examples:
The “I Don’t Know, and That’s Okay” Path: Imagine pondering the origins of the universe or the JFK assassination. These are fascinating topics, but they may not directly impact your day-to-day life. Accepting that you’ll never fully know can free up mental energy for more pressing matters. Or take a workplace scenario: A coworker solves a unique and challenging problem unrelated to your responsibilities. Instead of obsessing over how they did it, you let it go and focus on your own priorities.
The “I Don’t Know, but I Can Figure It Out” Path: On the other hand, some questions beg for exploration. If you’re curious about starting a herb garden at home, figuring it out can lead to a rewarding new hobby. At work, putting together a go-to-market plan for a software launch may require research and collaboration, but the process helps you grow professionally. Or, if a light in your home won’t turn on, diving into troubleshooting steps could save you time and money—and restore your sense of accomplishment.
Living with Uncertainty Takes Wisdom and Intelligence
It takes a certain level of wisdom and intelligence to be comfortable living in uncertainty. Our natural inclination is to crave certainty, to tie everything up neatly with an answer or a solution. But life doesn’t work that way. Real growth happens when you learn to sit with the unknown and trust that you’ll be okay regardless of the outcome.
Here’s a concept that’s resonated deeply with me: having strong opinions, loosely held. It means being confident in your reasoning but open to changing your mind when new information comes to light. In a world filled with certainty, this approach can feel radical. But it’s a powerful tool for navigating the complexities of life.
Give Yourself Grace
At the end of the day, the most important lesson is to give yourself a little grace. You don’t have to be perfect—and unfortunately, you never will be.
In the software development world, we often talk about being "directionally accurate." It’s the idea that you (mostly) understand what you want the final product to do but acknowledge that there are many big steps to complete along the roadmap. You also accept that as you build and roll things out to customers, the feedback you collect might change the order in which you build things or even lead you to add something entirely different and new. Yet, the overarching goal remains (roughly) the same.
This flexibility introduces grace into the process—a valuable perspective that parallels life. Just as in development, it’s not about having all the answers from the start but being adaptable and open to learning along the way.
Even Albert Einstein famously said,
“I have no special talent. I am only passionately curious.”
If Einstein didn’t claim to have all the answers, why should we?
So, embrace the journey. Ask questions. Explore what matters. And don’t be afraid to admit when you don’t know something. Whether you choose to dig deeper or let it go, trust that you’re doing the best you can with what you have.
And with that, I hope you give yourself permission to be a work in progress—and have a wonderful weekend.